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Meredith Muddles

Muddling through life, one word at a time.

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The Breakup Letter

On December 28, 2021 By Meredith McCaskeyIn Uncategorized1 Comment

Photo by cottonbro from Pexels Dear Air Force, It's been 9 years, 11 months, and 28 days since I became an Air Force wife. Now, just 2 days shy of 10 years, I am here to bid you adieu. We've had quite the streak, you and I. I know it's not much compared to military wives whose husbands …

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Actually Sane

On November 18, 2021 By Meredith McCaskeyIn Uncategorized1 Comment

Maybe the reason we get slapped with labels like “depression” and “anxiety” is because we aren’t blind. The world calls us mentally ill but maybe we are the only ones actually sane. We can see that life is complicated fucked-up and there is no cure. We can’t stop our ears to the cries of starving …

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We Are All Losers

On September 22, 2021 By Meredith McCaskeyIn Uncategorized1 Comment

Lady Bracknell: Who were your parents?Jack: I have lost both my parents.Lady Bracknell: To lose one parent, Mr. Worthing, may be regarded as a misfortune. To lose both looks like carelessness.- The Importance of Being Earnest A List of Things That You Can Lose your mindyour keysyour phoneyour coolyour temperyour heartyour heada limba parenta childa …

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Two Tiny Lives

On June 24, 2021June 23, 2021 By Meredith McCaskeyIn Deconstruction, Family, Trauma8 Comments

Seven years, little ones, seven years. What does seven years mean in the mystery that lies after death? Or even before it: in the far-flung eons of space and time, in a universe so vast and so old the human mind cannot comprehend it, what is a life? My thirty-one years are the fragment of …

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Alone

On May 26, 2021May 26, 2021 By Meredith McCaskeyIn Uncategorized4 Comments

My mental health has been rotten lately. The thing about depression and PMDD (and, I imagine, a lot of other mental health disorders) is that they tell you that you are alone, and then they make it happen. Imagine, if you will, that you have bombs going off in your brain. (Matt Haig in his …

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Easter Lament

On March 31, 2021March 31, 2021 By Meredith McCaskeyIn Culture, Deconstruction, PoetryLeave a comment

Oh Creator, Jehovah, Yahweh, God, Lord, whoever you are Are you the God of the lynchers or the lynched? The oppressors or the oppressed? The slavers or the enslaved? I sat in church and I heard about the sanctity of life and the firstborn of Egypt condemned to death and there were no tears for …

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Jesus and John Wayne

On February 15, 2021February 15, 2021 By Meredith McCaskeyIn Culture, Deconstruction, Patriarchy, TraumaLeave a comment

When I started reading Jesus and John Wayne: How White Evangelicals Corrupted a Faith and Fractured a Nation, by Dr. Kristin Kobes Du Mez, I expected to find the book deeply interesting. What I did not expect was that I would devour the book in three days, that every reading would be undergirded by a …

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Honest Anniversary

On December 30, 2020March 31, 2021 By Meredith McCaskeyIn Deconstruction, Family2 Comments

This is the year that almost did us in. I'm not supposed to say that out loud, am I? Anniversary posts on social media are supposed to be poetic and inspiring, spouses speaking of each other in glowing terms, any blemishes and flaws in the marriage carefully filtered out so that it is presented to …

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A Christmas Blessing

On December 24, 2020 By Meredith McCaskeyIn UncategorizedLeave a comment

May the light that shone over Bethlehem pierce through our darkness and show us the path of Love. May the anthem of peace thundered by the heavenly choirs guide us, not towards the passive expediencies of peace-keeping, but the active, difficult work of peace-making. May the joy of Simeon and Anna upon seeing the Promised …

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The Wages of (telling kids they’re) Sin{ful}

On October 24, 2020October 25, 2020 By Meredith McCaskeyIn Bible, Deconstruction, Family6 Comments

Recently at dinner 5-year-old Sean said, “Today in chapel Ms. X took a bunch of scraps of paper and set fire to them in a bowl. And then when she showed us the bowl, there was nothing left! They were all gone!" I felt my forehead wrinkling. “Why did she do that? “To show us …

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