I grew up in a white bubble. I was born into a middle-class family of Irish, German, and Czech descent, both sides of my parents' families settled in the USA for multiple generations. We lived in a middle-class white neighborhood in Colorado Springs, and we went to a PCA church with more than a thousand …
Dear Mama with Mental Illness
Dear mama with mental illness, I see you. I am one of you. We are in this together. I know what it’s like on the days when mothering feels absolutely impossible. When the weight of the darkness is crushing and you want nothing so much as to stay in the oblivion of your bed, and …
Unfenced Easter
When I was growing up, my dad always created fun and often elaborate treasure hunts for us kids to find our Easter baskets. I’m carrying on the tradition with my children. After Sean and Muriel hunted the plastic eggs in the yard, Sean found a clue in one of them– the letters A B C …
Saturday Night Worship: A Benediction
It’s been a rough week. Nate was TDY for a few days, and in a manifestation of the curse that descends on every military family at some point during TDYs, the kids came down with a stomach bug. And then Nate came home and I got it and then Nate got it, and the whole …
The Knowledge of Good and Evil
Some time later God tested Abraham. He said to him, “Abraham!” “Here I am,” he replied. Then God said, “Take your son, your only son, whom you love—Isaac—and go to the region of Moriah. Sacrifice him there as a burnt offering on a mountain I will show you.” Early the next morning Abraham got up and loaded his donkey. …
Rage
It's like breaking a poorly set bone so it can reset. And it's going to hurt like hell for a while. And your job is to sit with it and feel the anger. Stop worrying about what's holy. – Brett the chaplain Driving away from my counseling session. I'm not an angry music person. Insistent percussion …
Deconstruction
They promised you This is how life works. Trust us. We know the way. The only way. Deviate– –and die. You can’t trust yourself, kid, they said. Your self lies to you. Brain heart body spirit all Deceitful– Listen at your peril– there is one road –ours– Deviate– –and die. Who you are? Oh …
The Spirit of Mrs. Pardiggle
I am listening to Dickens' Bleak House on audiobook. I have mixed feelings about Dickens. On the one hand, a great many of his characters are caricatures: one-dimensional people with their vices or virtues so sharply exaggerated that they aren't really human at all. In general, I think caricatures are a lazy way to tell a …
Eight Years
When Nate asked me to be his girlfriend, almost ten years ago, he told me he was looking for a "life partner." And even though I was internally exploding with firecracker excitement at how this cute, smart, witty guy was interested in me, at those two words, "life partner", I thought, "huh, weird word choice." I …
Love Thy Self
"No one hates his own body but feeds and cares for it, just as Christ cares for the church."- Ephesians 5:29 "Breathe in slowly, hold the breath for one second, then exhale slowly," says the psychologist. It is my fourth appointment with her. Up till now our sessions have been intellectual, verbal– honed in on …
