Some time later God tested Abraham. He said to him, “Abraham!” “Here I am,” he replied. Then God said, “Take your son, your only son, whom you love—Isaac—and go to the region of Moriah. Sacrifice him there as a burnt offering on a mountain I will show you.” Early the next morning Abraham got up and loaded his donkey. …
Rage
It's like breaking a poorly set bone so it can reset. And it's going to hurt like hell for a while. And your job is to sit with it and feel the anger. Stop worrying about what's holy. – Brett the chaplain Driving away from my counseling session. I'm not an angry music person. Insistent percussion …
Deconstruction
They promised you This is how life works. Trust us. We know the way. The only way. Deviate– –and die. You can’t trust yourself, kid, they said. Your self lies to you. Brain heart body spirit all Deceitful– Listen at your peril– there is one road –ours– Deviate– –and die. Who you are? Oh …
The Spirit of Mrs. Pardiggle
I am listening to Dickens' Bleak House on audiobook. I have mixed feelings about Dickens. On the one hand, a great many of his characters are caricatures: one-dimensional people with their vices or virtues so sharply exaggerated that they aren't really human at all. In general, I think caricatures are a lazy way to tell a …
Eight Years
When Nate asked me to be his girlfriend, almost ten years ago, he told me he was looking for a "life partner." And even though I was internally exploding with firecracker excitement at how this cute, smart, witty guy was interested in me, at those two words, "life partner", I thought, "huh, weird word choice." I …
Love Thy Self
"No one hates his own body but feeds and cares for it, just as Christ cares for the church."- Ephesians 5:29 "Breathe in slowly, hold the breath for one second, then exhale slowly," says the psychologist. It is my fourth appointment with her. Up till now our sessions have been intellectual, verbal– honed in on …
The Monster, the Bully, and the Darkness
It's almost like a fairy tale. Once upon a time, there was a princess with a terrible curse upon her. Three weeks out of every month the princess lived an ordinary life. But the fourth week the princess turned into a terrible monster. I can remember when I was in college, engaged to Nate, and …
The Spirit of St. John Rivers (WTH 2.5)
(The following post contains spoilers for the novel Jane Eyre.) I just finished listening to the audiobook of Jane Eyre. I first read Charlotte Brontë's most famous work in my early teens– it was a school literature assignment, one which I thoroughly enjoyed. The gothic, romantic saga of orphaned and unwanted Jane was exactly my cup of tea. …
Broken Brains, Bait-and-Switch Jesus
Last week, my brain broke. It happened in the midst of an ordinary weekend, with my family around me. It wasn't a permanent break, nothing that cannot be mended (hopefully). But when it's your brain, even the tiniest fracture has the feeling of shattering. you are a failure you are failing your children your husband they …
Unsettling Hell (WTH? Part 2)
"I am the way into the city of woe. I am the way to a forsaken people. I am the way into eternal sorrow. Sacred justice moved my architect. I was raised here by divine omnipotence, primordial love and ultimate intellect. Only those elements time cannot wear were made before me, and beyond time I …
Meredith Muddles 